just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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