i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
