never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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