i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
