I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
