so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
