Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
