Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry BiggestAsshole hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(305): View more from Florida

I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.

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(561): View more from Florida

I can't believe he would be such an ass

(1-561): View more from Florida

Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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(207): View more from Maine

Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities

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(973): View more from New Jersey

You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette

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(949): View more from California

Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...

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