just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
