Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm just crazy horny about you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
