This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
