At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
