Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
