You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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