did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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