No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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