i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize