No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
