Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
