Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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