you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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