when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
