The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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