The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
