Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
