Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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