My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
