You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
