Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
