If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
