He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
