i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
