I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize