...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
