cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
send nudes
from the living room?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
