Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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