so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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