I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
