____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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