I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
