**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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