I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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