Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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