drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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