he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
