Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize