Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
