um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
