Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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