Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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