last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
