It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
