Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize