"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
