I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
