apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
