It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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