We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
