I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
