Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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