His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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