I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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