remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
