True but thats because hes a fetus.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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