first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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