Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
