I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
