I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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