I can text with my tongue
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
