You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
