..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
