Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
