I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
