my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
