I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize