I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
